Writing a Thesis/Han and Rome Example

Writing a good thesis can be challenging. Below you will find examples of what is acceptable and what is not. Examples are real and from the Han and Roman attitudes toward technology 2007 DBQ.


Good:
Aroung the dawn of the first millenium, the Han and Roman attitudes toward technology were both self-glorifying, however the Han Empire in China placed more value upon technology and technilogical enhancement than did the Roman Empire, as evidenced by the constant concern on the part of the Han Dynasty over the occasional indifference on the part of the Romans.

Good:
Both the Han and Roman societies had a clear appreciation for technological advancements despite the differences in areas where the technological attention was focused. While both appreciated advancements in water technology, the Romans concentrated more intently on mathematical and scientific advancements, looking down upon the laboring tools-related inventions that were appreciated by the Hans.

Incorrect: (because it is wrong)
The classical civiliazations of Han China and Rome had vastly different attitudes toward technology. While the Hans saw technology and a necessity to economic life, the Romans believed technology was unnecessary and no subsitute for hard work and manual labor.

Unacceptable:
The Han and the Romans had different attitudes toward technology.
or
There were several different attitudes toward technology in classical Rome and Han societies.

Both are too vague. "Several" or "many" are virtually meaningless qualifiers and do not take a position. "Different" is actually a position, but it is too vague.)

Technology had a big effect on Han China and the Roman Empire. (not the topic, and "big" is not a qualifier, too vague.)